a little nonsense now and then

it is becoming apparent to me that people feel that single gay men are trustworthy and kindhearted—therefore being the perfect vehicle for petsitting.  this is a trait i’ve noticed in a friend of mine.  and now, i’m noting it in my own life.  i am currently pet sitting for a three-legged cat this week.  i got a text from my professor asking me to house/dog sit for him on friday.  i’m consulting with him tomorrow afternoon.  and now that i’ve posted this, i’ll probably get another request to care after a parakeet, gerbil or small child while its owner goes and has a fun life.

but really, i love animals.  like hardcore.  they are sweet and trusting and soft and warm—traits they possess so innocently;  traits more people should possess.   and being so far from my sweet pup, i welcome the pet sittage.  and lets be real:  i may as well get used to it—the path i’m headed leads straight to a hermetic lifestyle and animal hoarding.  you’ll see me in your local target, covered in pet dander and buying a cart full of dogfood and kitty litter.

so next time you are headed out of town and need a person to care for your petchild, consider asking your favorite lonely gay.  chances are, they’re old pros.  

I clutch the pillow that no longer smells like you to my chest, to quiet my sobbing cries and give me the hug that you never would. your sweet smell has vanished, having breathed it up wanting to bring you back with the memory of your bed and your touch. with your silence my soul withers, as if this now stale pillow has suffocated my very heart. and though it’s blue and bruised, all it needs is a word: a word from your cruel, beautiful lips to breathe life and hope into my lonely heart.

zombies are so badass.

i have this problem.  people who i like never like me back.  even when we start off as friends first.  ESPECIALLY when we start of as friends first.  

also, i have this weird ailment where the person i’m interested in up and stops communicating with me.  for no reason.  and won’t tell me why.  IT FUCKING SUCKS.

i’d rather have the person call me a fag and that they hope that i die.  or say “you’re too ugly”.  or have them say “fuck you for so and so”.  but the silence…it KILLS me.  it’s so sudden and so drastic a change.  

it hurts.  it makes me sick—physically ill.  i just want to lay around.  all i can think about is why i lose the people that i want to love me back.  it makes me want to scream, and spit on the people who have someone to love and who will love them back.  it makes me want to give up on trying to find someone.  it makes me feel like i’m not worth talking to.  it makes me wonder why i invest in people who just turn around and shit on me.

from this, there must be something positive to gather.  and i think it’s that people should be nice to people, no matter what.   

do butterflies make sounds while making love?

I need to cry.

I just want a hand to hold.